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What the world really needs in 2020 is more hotel brands to be launched by the big companies. I mean, Marriott has a mere 30+, and poor old Hilton can scarcely manage half that… it’s not nearly confusing enough yet.

Fortunately, Hilton agrees and is deeply committed to ‘doing it’s bit’ to baffle travellers by developing more and more new brands that seem very similar to existing ones. To kick the new year off as it means to go on, it has unleashed ‘Tempo’ on an unsuspecting world:

“Tempo by Hilton (is) an approachable lifestyle brand curated to serve a growing segment of “modern achievers” who seek a hotel experience that reflects their ambition. By combining thoughtful design and diverse lifestyle partnerships, Tempo by Hilton provides hotel owners and developers with a highly scalable brand that is both uplifting and within reach for future guests – all powered by an efficient service model.”

Jon Witter, chief customer officer at Hilton, expanded on the target market of “modern achievers”:

“Through our research, we found that while our current upscale offerings have been incredibly successful at earning loyalty among specific guest segments, there was a rising demographic of ambitious and highly discerning travelers that weren’t engaging with the category,”

To be honest, I absolutely love these sort of press releases. I think there must be a secret competition each year where the person who gets the most ludicrous statement actually published wins a prize. The idea of “ambitious and highly discerning travelers” (or indeed, any real life human beings whatsoever) desperately searching for a “hotel experience that reflects their ambition” is comedy gold.

For what it’s worth, the renderings look fine:

Bottom line

Perhaps I shouldn’t be too quick to judge. While I was proved right about the airline that also claimed (bewilderingly, even by travel industry PR standards) that it was a rooftop bar, I’ve reluctantly come to appreciate Marriott’s Moxy brand, despite hating everything about it in theory.

I’ll probably end up loving Tempo.